Shuffle My Balls

Since the TV Show "Heroes" came back on last week, I've noticed myself thinking about how far we've come as a species. Not necessarily in the super-human ability sense, but more so in what we've accomplished over time. Here are a few things that popped in my head:

1) Cured various diseases
2) Sent people into outer space
3) Successfully cloned animals
4) Converted the sun's rays into electrical current
5) Created a world-wide network of computers that will allow obnoxious people like me to broadcast their opinions.

Ok, maybe we could do without the last one, but considering we started as grunting baboons that couldn't even walk upright, I consider these things to be fairly impressive. For as stupid as people can be, we've made some amazing advancements over time.

As I was thinking about all this, I had music from my computer playing in the background. Another nice technological advancement. I just dragged and dropped a bunch of shit to create a playlist of 5 hours of music and threw that bitch on shuffle.

15 mins in, I heard the same song I started with. 20 mins later, I heard it again. Over the course of an hour, and a playlist full of about 90 songs, I heard 4 songs more than once.

What if you said to someone "hey, I'm thinking of a number from 1-10, if you can guess it in 5 tries or less, I won't slap you across the face with my dick."

Attempt 1: "Seven?"
You: "No"
Attempt 2: "Five?"
You: "No"
Attempt 3: "Seven?"
You: (unbuttoning pants)

That was only 3 guesses, but now you need to Danza-slap them just out of principle. (Don't feel left out ladies - you can slap them with a bloody tampon and it will have an equivalent effect. I mean, they didn't put that string there for nothin.)

<----Much to my convenience, this is the first image that comes up when you Google "Tony Danza" (Safe Search needs to be off)

Think about the dumbest person you know. Do you think he/she would pick the same number twice? Probably not. Even idiots know they already picked it once. So someone please explain why a computer generated shuffle system seems to suffer from short-term memory loss? Even if it happens only once in a while, why does it happen at all? It's a fucking computer program!!!!! Seriously, think about any CD/mp3/winamp/iTunes related product you've ever owned. Song 1, Song 3, Song 9, Song 3, Song 4, Song 12, Song 1, Song 3, Song FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<----Overkill

Even if it doesn't play the same song twice in one sitting, somehow an iPod full of 2000 songs will manage to "randomly" select 10 songs it wants you to hear every single time you turn the thing on. Either that, or you'll manage to hear Band XYZ no matter how long/short of time you listen for. Hey Apple - Blow me.

Take a look at the list of human accomplishments again, then go put your iPod/iRiver/iDildo on shuffle. It kinda sums of the human existence. Just when you start thinking how great everything is, something comes along and smacks you in the face with it's cock, and you realize the world is more fucked than Mona's Robinson's pussy.

New Thrice Album/Project - The Alchemy Index

I am personally ecstatic for the first 2 of the 4 disc set (coming out in mid Oct). I can't believe there has been ZERO mention of this epic project on Buzznet. Thrice is one of the best modern rock acts out there, and if this thing is done right, it's gonna make them standout even further.

I know Panic, FOB, MCR, and HIM are the "greatest" bands ever, but can we get some slightly more diverse coverage on this site? I really have nothing against any of those bands (other than their overexposure, but you can't blame them for that), but it's just too much. I realize they are whats "in" now, but that doesn't mean you have to ignore other quality acts. Thrice isn't exactly this wierd underground band. Could it be cuz they just changed record labels and the PR just isn't behind them yet?

Updated with a review they just posted on their myspace:

Is anyone else as pumped as I am for this album?

Chrisfullam's Journals

Shuffle My Balls

New Thrice Album/Project - The Alchemy Index